| It is an old maxim that the dog is a man's best friend. | | | | much needed jobs, while the arenas would repopulate |
| The Divorce rate can keep going higher and higher, | | | | our vacant malls, vital in an economy that's going to |
| friendships often come to an end, but nobody heard | | | | the dogs anyway. |
| of a dog divorcing its master or vice versa. Perhaps | | | | For the more soulful personalities (or caninalities?), we |
| it's because man's best friend cannot talk. If dogs | | | | could have musical howling contests, or have |
| could talk, it would be as hard to get along with them | | | | "caninoke" bars for the aspiring. Some of our human |
| as it is with people. | | | | pop singers would do very well in these contests, |
| Anyway, considering that the dog is our best friend, | | | | provided they sneak in with a dog's costume. |
| we pretty much take it for granted. True, we do | | | | Our entertainment industry, which has figuratively |
| have pet supply stores from where we buy dog | | | | gone to the dogs, could do so literally, with canine |
| food, but that's about all. A good dog does not live | | | | soap operas. It would be interesting to come home |
| by dog food alone. Still, we do not have much in the | | | | and find your dog crying over some silly-sentimental |
| way of recognition or entertainment for our canine | | | | soap opera. Dog movies would give our screen |
| friends. In their frustration, their only sources of | | | | writers a fresh field to exercise their creative |
| enjoyment are chasing the odd cat or growling at | | | | imaginations. The best movies would of course be |
| the hapless visitor that comes their way. | | | | honored at the Golden Bone Awards Ceremony |
| It is interesting then to hear that in Australia, | | | | (Howlomony). However, a word of caution, we do |
| someone has invented a beer for canine | | | | not want to have movies that promote anti-human |
| consumption. This has been going down fairly well | | | | sentiment, otherwise we might end up with a canine |
| with dogs. Pretty soon I can imagine dog bars coming | | | | revolt. |
| up. This will raise some questions about responsible | | | | Besides the Australian beer, various other drinks could |
| drinking. What should be the legal drinking age for a | | | | be developed for our canine friends-sodas, vitamin |
| dog? Also, many dogs have responsible duties, such | | | | waters, liquors, teas and coffees. (I wonder if |
| as drug detection, Seeing Eye dogs etc. Will they be | | | | anyone has researched dog's reaction to Pepsi and |
| administered a breathalyzer test before starting duty | | | | Sprite). This would boost our wine and beverage |
| every day? If they come to work drunk, what sort | | | | industry and employ thousands of workers. |
| of punishment should be administered? Perhaps no | | | | How about fast food, the equivalent of McDonald's |
| chasing cats for a week? | | | | and Burger Kings for dogs? I am sure they will wolf |
| Another interesting bit of canine news came to me | | | | down the burgers before you can say Woof. |
| from a friend who visited New Zealand, where dogs | | | | However, I do not think they will like the idea of |
| are used for sheep farming. It seems these dogs | | | | eating a Hot Dog. Whether "All you can eat" buffets |
| attend canine training schools. They have regular | | | | for dogs will be a success or not, I have no idea. |
| school buses that pick up and drop them off in the | | | | Dog baseball does not seem very practical, (how |
| evening. Dogs are graded and tested and there is a | | | | would they wield a bat?); however, since they have |
| graduation ceremony. Some schools are more | | | | four feet, soccer would be an ideal sport for our |
| prestigious than others. An experienced sheep farmer | | | | furry friends. Finally, I would like to see some dance |
| can tell by the way a dog carries himself whether it | | | | systems developed for dogs; I am sure they will |
| is from an "Ivy League" school or a "Run after the | | | | adapt very quickly to the Fox Trot. Also, dog dancing |
| cat" variety. | | | | would give a new relevance to the term, "I have |
| Hearing this news from Australia and New Zealand, it | | | | two left feet". |
| is clear that the Southern Hemisphere has outpaced | | | | Anyway, you get the idea- we have the blueprint for |
| the Northern Continents. It is time for us Northerners | | | | a new approach that would better the life quality for |
| to show our mettle and outdo these sub-Equatorial | | | | our canine friends while also improving our faltering |
| upstarts. I have been mulling some random ideas. | | | | economy. So on first thought, it would be a good |
| For starters, some of our empty malls could be | | | | idea to let our economy literally "go to the dogs". |
| redeployed as cat chasing arenas, where dogs would | | | | On the other hand, I can imagine the dog owner |
| go for a little recreation. In case this sounds inhumane | | | | coming home in the evening. His now lazy dog, who |
| (or infeline), we can always use robo-cats. These | | | | previously jumped up and greeted him or her |
| would have the added advantage that their speed | | | | enthusiastically, would simply grunt from his armchair, |
| could be adjusted to suit the dog's capacity. | | | | continue eating his dog biscuits and watching his |
| Development of these robo-cats would provide a | | | | favorite sitcom or the evening news. So, on second |
| boost to the American robot industry and provide | | | | thought, it might not be such a hot idea after all. |