| Have you ever wondered who first figured out | | | | motorists who run down the odd critter can |
| what man should and should not eat? I mean, | | | | legally take it home for dinner under a law |
| at some point near the beginning of time, | | | | passed by the Legislature. The bill, which |
| there must have been someone who sat down on | | | | has made West Virginia the butt of jokes |
| a rock and decided that man should eat cows, | | | | nationally, would let drivers keep their road |
| but not crocodiles; that he should devour | | | | kill provided they report it to conservation |
| pigs and chickens and fish, but not lions and | | | | or police officers within 12 hours. The |
| tigers and bears. Who was this prehistoric | | | | measure became law when Gov. Cecil Underwood |
| Galloping Gourmet and what was his connection | | | | declined to veto it by a Thursday deadline. |
| to the "Wizard of Oz?" Unfortunately, we'll | | | | Pro-road kill legislators envision people |
| probably never know.If early man was anything | | | | eating deer hit on he road, but the bill |
| like his modern-day counterpart, it's a | | | | allows drivers to take home any wildlife, |
| pretty safe bet that only those animals that | | | | except protected birds, spotted fawn or bear |
| were easy to catch and didn't try to eat you | | | | cubs. Proponents said if drivers can be |
| in return were put on the edibles list. | | | | encouraged to eat their road kill, the state |
| Though early man is thought to have had a | | | | would save money it now pays Division of |
| brain the size of a peach pit, he probably | | | | Highways workers to remove the dead animals. |
| didn't have to see too many of his cave | | | | Current law allows people to take possession |
| buddies eaten by giant iguanas to figure out | | | | of road kill only after they've contacted |
| that prehistoric cow meat made for a much | | | | authorities, by then the meat has spoiled, |
| healthier diet. That being the case, it was | | | | said supporters.The only gray area in this |
| fear and laziness that determined what the | | | | law is what technically constitutes road |
| menu for mankind was to be. And it's a good | | | | kill. By its very name, road kill is |
| thing, too. Had our ancestors taken a bit | | | | "something killed on the road," so it |
| more initiative, your favorite food today | | | | shouldn't be too hard to establish a rule of |
| might be badger on a stick. Can you say, "Mmm | | | | thumb. Something simple, like: "if the driver |
| Mmm, good!"From a Biblical point of view, | | | | has to jump a curb and/or slam through a |
| perhaps it was Adam who planned the world's | | | | barbed-wire fence to accidentally hit and |
| first menu. "Hey, Eve, look! These platypus | | | | kill the animal, they have gone too far." And |
| tails aren't bad if you dip them in a little | | | | no backing up just to make sure dinner is |
| honey mustard. In fact, they kind of taste | | | | done, either. Under the law, that would be |
| like chicken! Put them on the 'can eat' | | | | considered "over-tenderizing."I have to |
| list!"Hmm... Maybe it was a good thing Eve | | | | wonder what effect this law will have on how |
| wasn't much of a listener, after all.No | | | | West Virginians eat. Imagine this being |
| matter who performed those first taste-tests, | | | | rattled off by the peppy waiter at |
| thereby establishing the dietary standard for | | | | TGIFriday's: "Howdy. The name's Merle, and |
| mankind for generations to come, I believe | | | | I'll be your waiter this evening. Today's |
| that, throughout time, God has looked down | | | | specials are Armadillo on the Half Shell, |
| occasionally and yelled, "Hey, stupid! You're | | | | Skunk TarTar, Squirrel Flambe, Iguana |
| not supposed to eat THAT!"When I was growing | | | | Gumbo... and we also have a lovely Raccoon |
| up on a small farm in rural Limestone County, | | | | Rockefeller for only $7.99."Gives a whole new |
| we were completely self-sufficient (the | | | | meaning to the term, "scattered, smothered, |
| politically-correct term for being too poor | | | | chunked and smashed," doesn't it?The road |
| to purchase food). If we couldn't grow it in | | | | kill law is not without its critics. Dr. |
| a field or raise it in a pen or squeeze it | | | | Hannah Barberra, spokeswoman for the animal |
| from a cow, we didn't consume it. We grew it, | | | | rights group "Defenders Of Other Dumb |
| we killed it, we ate it, period. Needless to | | | | Animals" or "DOO-DA" for short, had this to |
| say, there were a lot of jumpy animals around | | | | say: "The road kill law gives humans a |
| our house. Even my dog had a nervous tick | | | | license to drive and kill. Imagine a world |
| (sorry, the joke was there, I had to use | | | | full of Wyle E. Coyotes driving two-thousand |
| it).We never went out to eat, either. To us, | | | | pound automobiles. That's what we have to |
| fast food simply meant that we couldn't catch | | | | look forward to if eating road kill becomes |
| it on foot. Perhaps we should have tried | | | | the norm."When asked about the rumor that |
| running it down with my old man's truck. I | | | | DOO-DA plans to set up booby-trapped ducks, |
| never considered that an option until I read | | | | rabbits and road runners along West |
| about what's going on in West Virginia, a | | | | Virginia's highways to discourage hungry |
| state which, until now, has been primarily | | | | motorists, Dr. Barberra declined to comment, |
| known for giving the world such great | | | | other than to say that whatever her group |
| punchlines as: "If she ain't good enough for | | | | does, no actual animals will be harmed.Thank |
| her own family she ain't good enough for | | | | goodness. I'd hate to see innocent animals |
| ours!" and "Not with my pig, you don't!" and | | | | getting hurt just because mankind has decided |
| "That's the last time I let a shoe salesman | | | | to expand the menu.Now, grab the honey |
| use MY outhouse!" But now West Virginia has | | | | mustard, Elmer, and let's go for a ride.I'm |
| done what no other state in the union has | | | | getting awful hungry.From "Small Business |
| ever had the mountain oysters to do. It has | | | | Q&A" With Tim Knox |
| given the thumbs up to drive-over dining. I | | | | |
| think I'm gonna have to have some ketchup for | | | | Tim Knox is a nationally-known entrepreneur, |
| this one.Check out this story from last | | | | author, speaker, and radio show host. |
| week's Associated Press:Road Kill Is Now | | | | |
| Dinner In West Virginia | | | | Tim has helped hundreds of entrepreneurs |
| | | | realize their business dreams. |
| CHARLESTON, W.Va. (AP) -- West Virginia | | | | |